What do you want for your future, dear reader? What do you daydream most about? A more fulfilling relationship, stress-free workdays, a successful business, or just a decent amount of self-confidence, like me? Well, you’ve come to the right place, because today I’ll be sharing a way to prevent your desires from staying in the future forever. In other words: here’s how to create the life you want.
Let’s dive in.
This life you’re longing for is supported by certain beliefs, certain stories. Like: rest is productive, it’s safe to speak my truth, done is better than perfect, I am worthy and lovable, I trust myself – that kind of stuff.
How to go about changing your beliefs (spoiler: you don’t)
Don’t worry, I’m not about to tell you to just start affirming the right stories – we both know it doesn’t work that way. You can’t (deliberately) change your beliefs overnight. Or ever.
The in-road to changing your beliefs, is changing your actions. That’s how you change your life.
For example, if you keep staying late at work, you double down on the story that you need all this extra time and you can’t have a feeling of completeness without it. On the other hand, if you consistently say ‘’no’’ to the things that drain your energy, you continue to work on the story that your energy matters.
As humans we tend to, consciously or unconsciously, think that we need to feel and believe something first, before we can choose a different action – but it is exactly the other way around. You don’t need to feel or believe anything to be able to change your behavior.
You just have to know where to start, arrange some extra sturdy underwear for the bricks you’re about to shit, decide to do it, and repeat.
THE QUESTION – How to create the life you want, but actually
So, whenever you feel the insecurity, stress, or whatever it is that you want to experience less of, sneak up on you, ask yourself: How would my future self, who already lives the life I’m longing for, go about this?
- That person who’s in a secure and fulfilling relationship; how would they react to a fight or disagreement?
- That guy who wakes up feeling relaxed and ready for the day; what would he say to that colleague that tries to saddle him with their dirty work?
- And that woman who has this successful business and not a single money worry in the world; how would she structure her day, what would she say ”yes” or ”no” to?
Let me tell you a little story about creating the life I want.
I have always been a pretty happy camper, just not a very confident one. And a few months back, while checking the latest article I wrote for the 5th (6th, 7th?) time, I started wondering what future Shirley with a Beyoncé-like level of confidence would be doing right now.
Rather quickly I figured out, it wasn’t this. I realized that when I check my work 10 times over, I am telling myself I’m not to be trusted to do it right the first or second time. Future me would never do that – she would be too busy living her best life.
So, I knew it was time to start telling myself a different story by changing my actions.
Creating the life you want is not all sunshine and rainbows
Now, of course, it’s really challenging to do something that you would do IF you had the confidence to support it, because, well, you’re not there yet – that’s the whole point. So yes, I’m still scared shitless every time I share something I’ve only checked twice (okay, maybe three times #alwaysaworkinprogress). But I can also feel my confidence grow with every check I skip.
The future is now, as the gurus would say.
What is the one small step (& one giant leap toward your future self) that you can take today? Which story will you write with your daily actions?
Remember, creating the life you want is not just about the moment you finish the story, it’s about writing it.
Keep it small, dear human, and you WILL get there.
Hi, it’s me, Shirley!
A few years ago I decided to stop making my life any harder than it already was. And since then my life has been perfect.
Okay, that’s a lie.
But thanks to my self-compassion practice I now know how I can, time and time again, find my way back to my authentic self. And that’s what makes my life so much more easeful & joyful these days.