{"id":767,"date":"2023-07-02T10:47:30","date_gmt":"2023-07-02T09:47:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.howtolife.nl\/?p=767"},"modified":"2026-03-13T14:12:02","modified_gmt":"2026-03-13T13:12:02","slug":"eerst-van-jezelf-houden","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/en\/eerst-van-jezelf-houden\/","title":{"rendered":"No, you DON'T have to love yourself first."},"content":{"rendered":"<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-6rzjdr-dd0f69078ac60fe8c81c4c6672b6a47d\">\n.avia-section.av-6rzjdr-dd0f69078ac60fe8c81c4c6672b6a47d{\nmargin-top:-35px;\nmargin-bottom:0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div id='av_section_1'  class='avia-section av-6rzjdr-dd0f69078ac60fe8c81c4c6672b6a47d main_color avia-section-default avia-no-border-styling  avia-builder-el-0  el_before_av_section  avia-builder-el-first  avia-bg-style-scroll container_wrap fullsize'  ><div class='container av-section-cont-open' ><main  role=\"main\" itemprop=\"mainContentOfPage\"  class='template-page content  av-content-full alpha units'><div class='post-entry post-entry-type-page post-entry-767'><div class='entry-content-wrapper clearfix'>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-nijwf-3cdf26016b716cc5de9d34f26c090f8f\">\n#top .hr.hr-invisible.av-nijwf-3cdf26016b716cc5de9d34f26c090f8f{\nheight:35px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='hr av-nijwf-3cdf26016b716cc5de9d34f26c090f8f hr-invisible  avia-builder-el-1  el_before_av_image  avia-builder-el-first  av-small-hide av-mini-hide'><span class='hr-inner'><span class=\"hr-inner-style\"><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-laikc748-6b8444c111ba8174334c3a5308d798db\">\n.avia-image-container.av-laikc748-6b8444c111ba8174334c3a5308d798db img.avia_image{\nbox-shadow:none;\n}\n.avia-image-container.av-laikc748-6b8444c111ba8174334c3a5308d798db .av-image-caption-overlay-center{\ncolor:#ffffff;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='avia-image-container av-laikc748-6b8444c111ba8174334c3a5308d798db av-styling- avia-align-center  avia-builder-el-2  el_after_av_hr  el_before_av_hr'   itemprop=\"image\" itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/ImageObject\" ><div class=\"avia-image-container-inner\"><div class=\"avia-image-overlay-wrap\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class='wp-image-7227 avia-img-lazy-loading-not-7227 avia_image' src=\"https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Eerst-van-jezelf-houden.jpg\" alt='Eerst van jezelf houden' title='Love yourself first' height=\"427\" width=\"640\"  itemprop=\"thumbnailUrl\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Eerst-van-jezelf-houden.jpg 640w, https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Eerst-van-jezelf-houden-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Eerst-van-jezelf-houden-18x12.jpg 18w, https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Eerst-van-jezelf-houden-450x300.jpg 450w, https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Eerst-van-jezelf-houden-600x400.jpg 600w\"  sizes=\"(max-width: 640px) 100vw, 640px\" \/><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-6fqjlz-367127948520d3ab4866c202a37676ea\">\n#top .hr.hr-invisible.av-6fqjlz-367127948520d3ab4866c202a37676ea{\nmargin-top:-25px;\nheight:1px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='hr av-6fqjlz-367127948520d3ab4866c202a37676ea hr-invisible  avia-builder-el-3  el_after_av_image  el_before_av_heading  av-desktop-hide av-medium-hide'><span class='hr-inner'><span class=\"hr-inner-style\"><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-laik24sf-f1a4a91a7a9c0dde72a93c119f5bbeab\">\n#top .av-special-heading.av-laik24sf-f1a4a91a7a9c0dde72a93c119f5bbeab{\npadding-bottom:10px;\n}\nbody .av-special-heading.av-laik24sf-f1a4a91a7a9c0dde72a93c119f5bbeab .av-special-heading-tag .heading-char{\nfont-size:25px;\n}\n.av-special-heading.av-laik24sf-f1a4a91a7a9c0dde72a93c119f5bbeab .av-subheading{\nfont-size:15px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='av-special-heading av-laik24sf-f1a4a91a7a9c0dde72a93c119f5bbeab av-special-heading-h1 blockquote modern-quote modern-centered  avia-builder-el-4  el_after_av_hr  el_before_av_textblock  av-linked-heading'><h1 class='av-special-heading-tag'  itemprop=\"headline\"  >No, you DON'T have to love yourself first. <\/h1><div class=\"special-heading-border\"><div class=\"special-heading-inner-border\"><\/div><\/div><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-laik56jk-b946a9c49f81bcfe5c13afa00af768d7\">\n\n@media only screen and (min-width: 990px){ \n#top .av_textblock_section.av-laik56jk-b946a9c49f81bcfe5c13afa00af768d7 .avia_textblock{\nfont-size:16px;\n}\n}\n<\/style>\n<section  class='av_textblock_section av-laik56jk-b946a9c49f81bcfe5c13afa00af768d7'   itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/BlogPosting\" itemprop=\"blogPost\" ><div class='avia_textblock'  itemprop=\"text\" ><p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em><strong>''You need to love yourself first before you can love somebody else.''<\/strong> It sounds pretty sensible, and yet it's utterly untrue. In fact, loving another person is a fast track to learning to love yourself.<\/em><\/p>\n<h2>Let me give you 3 reasons why ''love yourself first'' is nonsense:<\/h2>\n<\/div><\/section>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-606w8f-ad7163366662868718c5393645d1a7a9\">\n#top .hr.hr-invisible.av-606w8f-ad7163366662868718c5393645d1a7a9{\nheight:15px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='hr av-606w8f-ad7163366662868718c5393645d1a7a9 hr-invisible  avia-builder-el-6  el_after_av_textblock  el_before_av_textblock'><span class='hr-inner'><span class=\"hr-inner-style\"><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-lhz8vp27-89947ba65ac05d989cc72b7e953a9c66\">\n\n@media only screen and (min-width: 990px){ \n#top .av_textblock_section.av-lhz8vp27-89947ba65ac05d989cc72b7e953a9c66 .avia_textblock{\nfont-size:16px;\n}\n}\n<\/style>\n<section  class='av_textblock_section av-lhz8vp27-89947ba65ac05d989cc72b7e953a9c66'   itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/BlogPosting\" itemprop=\"blogPost\" ><div class='avia_textblock'  itemprop=\"text\" ><h3>1. Your relationship is like a mirror reflecting your inner world.<\/h3>\n<p>Are you craving validation, reassurance or inquisitiveness and feel like your partner is currently lacking in that department? <strong>This might well be an invitation to validate, reassure or be more interested in yourself.<\/strong> Assuming you are in a safe and secure relationship, it doesn't hurt to first consider what YOU can do to satisfy your needs. In fact, by doing so, you often fulfill something that the other person could never have done in a way that's as true to you as you can.<\/p>\n<\/div><\/section>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-bw1jj-84728e012fff14f7535b1ba62f1b549f\">\n#top .hr.hr-invisible.av-bw1jj-84728e012fff14f7535b1ba62f1b549f{\nheight:15px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='hr av-bw1jj-84728e012fff14f7535b1ba62f1b549f hr-invisible  avia-builder-el-8  el_after_av_textblock  el_before_av_textblock'><span class='hr-inner'><span class=\"hr-inner-style\"><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<section  class='av_textblock_section av-laik66xx-756bd2719d19957b9aadbeb516373115'   itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/BlogPosting\" itemprop=\"blogPost\" ><div class='avia_textblock'  itemprop=\"text\" ><blockquote>\n<p><em style=\"font-size: 1.235em;\">Relationships mirror your inner world. Which means:<\/em><\/p>\n<ol>\n<li><em>You can only see in another, what (in some form) exists within yourself.<\/em><\/li>\n<li><em>Whatever you feel like you need from someone else, might actually be an invitation to give to yourself (first).<\/em><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div><\/section>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-laikhwe2-41f45d3b5ea0b00c13b723327ee94e56\">\n#top .hr.hr-invisible.av-laikhwe2-41f45d3b5ea0b00c13b723327ee94e56{\nheight:25px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='hr av-laikhwe2-41f45d3b5ea0b00c13b723327ee94e56 hr-invisible  avia-builder-el-10  el_after_av_textblock  el_before_av_textblock'><span class='hr-inner'><span class=\"hr-inner-style\"><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-laikaf9w-5732f215b11845abc95c28f359a025b1\">\n\n@media only screen and (min-width: 990px){ \n#top .av_textblock_section.av-laikaf9w-5732f215b11845abc95c28f359a025b1 .avia_textblock{\nfont-size:16px;\n}\n}\n<\/style>\n<section  class='av_textblock_section av-laikaf9w-5732f215b11845abc95c28f359a025b1'   itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/BlogPosting\" itemprop=\"blogPost\" ><div class='avia_textblock'  itemprop=\"text\" ><h2><\/h2>\n<h3>What this can look like in practice<\/h3>\n<p>If you are bothered by the words of your significant other, it might be a good idea to take a look at your own self-talk, or at the beliefs you carry that these words bring to the surface. And if you feel lonely in your relationship or lack a certain connectedness, you might want to ask yourself: Am I really, truly there for myself?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Sometimes the need is so vast and we try so hard to get it met by someone else, because we haven't yet fully mastered providing it for ourselves.<\/strong> There is nothing wrong with that. (!!!) However, it is very helpful for yourself (and your relationship) to be aware of it and allow yourself to take advantage of this opportunity to deepen your self-connection.<\/p>\n<h3>2. You\u2019re training your ''love muscle''.<\/h3>\n<p><strong>By loving another, you develop your capacity to love. And, in time, you can learn to apply this acquired skill to yourself as well.<\/strong> Every time you realize that you are succeeding in loving an imperfect being is a reason to celebrate, big time. Because, apparently, you can. It is part of your personal skill set. And yes, harnessing this skill for yourself is different and harder, but this training certainly contributes to it. Not to mention how helpful it is to experience being loved.<\/p>\n<h3>3. You practice receiving love.<\/h3>\n<p>That too. By being in a (romantic) relationship you can not only practice loving an imperfect being, <strong>you can also practice receiving love as an imperfect being.<\/strong> Truly opening ourselves up to receiving love, even when we are being our flawed, most authentic selves, is quite the challenge for most of us. And a relationship is the perfect place to practice the shit out of this. Slowly but surely, you'll get better at it, and maybe even develop the confidence that you're really freaking worth it too.<em>\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<h2>It's great, it's not a must<\/h2>\n<p>Of course, all this does not mean that you should expect nothing from your partner (or other relationships). <strong>You really don't have to meet all your needs on your own<\/strong>; as human beings we will always need other people too. Thinking of your relationships as mirrors reflecting your inner world is just a tool for building a better relationship with yourself.<\/p>\n<p>Give yourself the time and space to patiently explore and practice all of this. <strong>You do NOT need to have mastered this whole self-love thing before you can enter into a loving relationship.<\/strong> Because, let's face it, if that were the case, we'd probably all fly and die completely solo. #alwaysaworkinprogress<\/p>\n<h2>So, you DON'T have to love yourself first<\/h2>\n<p>Most people only learn to fully, truly, authentically love themselves once they are being loved (hey, it's possible!) and are loving another person (hey, I can do this!). And then, within that dynamic, they start to see themselves more clearly, subsequently figuring out - little by little - how to put that capacity for giving and receiving love to work for themselves.<\/p>\n<p>So, <strong>you do not have to already have found the key to self-love.<\/strong> Even without that key, you can be in a happy and healthy relationship, and, through the love between the two of you, discover how to love yourself (even more).<\/p>\n<p><em>[[DUTCH ONLY]] PS. Wil je graag actief aan de slag gaan met het verdiepen van de verbinding met jezelf? Ik heb <a href=\"https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/08\/Connecting-to-selflove-meditatie-voor-zelfliefde-aug-2021-ocean.mp3\"><strong><span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">deze meditatie<\/span><\/strong><\/a> speciaal ontwikkeld om jou hierbij te helpen.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div><\/section>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-5jeg7b-a99d07f4cfc2660bf3c4c4d10576161e\">\n#top .flex_column.av-5jeg7b-a99d07f4cfc2660bf3c4c4d10576161e{\nmargin-top:-25px;\nmargin-bottom:0px;\n}\n.responsive #top #wrap_all .flex_column.av-5jeg7b-a99d07f4cfc2660bf3c4c4d10576161e{\nmargin-top:-25px;\nmargin-bottom:0px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='flex_column av-5jeg7b-a99d07f4cfc2660bf3c4c4d10576161e av_one_full  avia-builder-el-12  el_after_av_textblock  el_before_av_hr  first flex_column_div  column-top-margin'     ><p>\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-5f1zhj-3993adcd411f1974fe7fb0e10b973ece\">\n#top .hr.hr-invisible.av-5f1zhj-3993adcd411f1974fe7fb0e10b973ece{\nheight:50px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='hr av-5f1zhj-3993adcd411f1974fe7fb0e10b973ece hr-invisible  avia-builder-el-13  el_before_av_textblock  avia-builder-el-first'><span class='hr-inner'><span class=\"hr-inner-style\"><\/span><\/span><\/div><br \/>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-laikbje9-16ac72c738f3cd9bcabba71dbfd87884\">\n#top .av_textblock_section.av-laikbje9-16ac72c738f3cd9bcabba71dbfd87884 .avia_textblock{\nfont-size:16px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<section  class='av_textblock_section av-laikbje9-16ac72c738f3cd9bcabba71dbfd87884'   itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/BlogPosting\" itemprop=\"blogPost\" ><div class='avia_textblock'  itemprop=\"text\" ><hr \/>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><em>Tag: <a href=\"https:\/\/www.howtolife.nl\/tag\/love-relationships\">love &amp; relationships<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<\/div><\/section><\/p><\/div>\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-5a281b-3a96f12eb54c42d0fce134467965af9e\">\n#top .hr.hr-invisible.av-5a281b-3a96f12eb54c42d0fce134467965af9e{\nheight:35px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='hr av-5a281b-3a96f12eb54c42d0fce134467965af9e hr-invisible  avia-builder-el-15  el_after_av_one_full  el_before_av_hr  av-desktop-hide av-medium-hide'><span class='hr-inner'><span class=\"hr-inner-style\"><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-50sxkv-0402f0bdd2d3c2ea0c459bfd699e3065\">\n#top .hr.hr-invisible.av-50sxkv-0402f0bdd2d3c2ea0c459bfd699e3065{\nheight:35px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='hr av-50sxkv-0402f0bdd2d3c2ea0c459bfd699e3065 hr-invisible  avia-builder-el-16  el_after_av_hr  el_before_av_one_third  av-small-hide av-mini-hide'><span class='hr-inner'><span class=\"hr-inner-style\"><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<div  class='flex_column av-4uv41r-993cc4842c289b17881b8d3e866f7133 av_one_third  avia-builder-el-17  el_after_av_hr  el_before_av_one_third  first flex_column_div'     ><\/div><div  class='flex_column av-4oxjrz-318df4d708eb314fa40640ee40f803c5 av_one_third  avia-builder-el-18  el_after_av_one_third  el_before_av_one_third  flex_column_div'     ><p>\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-4jjolz-e88e0dd340a045497b7ecd01be9ac1f1\">\n#top .av-special-heading.av-4jjolz-e88e0dd340a045497b7ecd01be9ac1f1{\npadding-bottom:10px;\ncolor:#a54a2d;\n}\nbody .av-special-heading.av-4jjolz-e88e0dd340a045497b7ecd01be9ac1f1 .av-special-heading-tag .heading-char{\nfont-size:25px;\n}\n.av-special-heading.av-4jjolz-e88e0dd340a045497b7ecd01be9ac1f1 .special-heading-inner-border{\nborder-color:#a54a2d;\n}\n.av-special-heading.av-4jjolz-e88e0dd340a045497b7ecd01be9ac1f1 .av-subheading{\nfont-size:15px;\n}\nbody .av-special-heading.av-4jjolz-e88e0dd340a045497b7ecd01be9ac1f1 .av-special-heading-tag .heading-wrap:before{\nborder-color:#a54a2d;\n}\nbody .av-special-heading.av-4jjolz-e88e0dd340a045497b7ecd01be9ac1f1 .av-special-heading-tag .heading-wrap:after{\nborder-color:#a54a2d;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='av-special-heading av-4jjolz-e88e0dd340a045497b7ecd01be9ac1f1 av-special-heading-h2 custom-color-heading blockquote elegant-quote elegant-centered  avia-builder-el-19  el_before_av_hr  avia-builder-el-first'><h2 class='av-special-heading-tag'  itemprop=\"headline\"  ><span class=\"heading-wrap\">YOU GOT THIS<\/span><\/h2><div class=\"special-heading-border\"><div class=\"special-heading-inner-border\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><br \/>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-4dphhb-cff08b246ec39738fff2daadaab4831d\">\n#top .hr.hr-invisible.av-4dphhb-cff08b246ec39738fff2daadaab4831d{\nmargin-top:-25px;\nheight:1px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='hr 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avia-bg-style-scroll container_wrap fullsize'  ><div class='container av-section-cont-open' ><div class='template-page content  av-content-full alpha units'><div class='post-entry post-entry-type-page post-entry-767'><div class='entry-content-wrapper clearfix'>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-1wi1lj-0840d542260611817463037e614ca41d\">\n#top .hr.hr-invisible.av-1wi1lj-0840d542260611817463037e614ca41d{\nheight:15px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='hr av-1wi1lj-0840d542260611817463037e614ca41d hr-invisible  avia-builder-el-23  el_before_av_one_fifth  avia-builder-el-first'><span class='hr-inner'><span class=\"hr-inner-style\"><\/span><\/span><\/div>\n<div  class='flex_column av-1styyv-9437ffc417a4f5150dc6c58765e74259 av_one_fifth  avia-builder-el-24  el_after_av_hr  el_before_av_three_fifth  first flex_column_div'     ><\/div><div  class='flex_column av-1ihmnb-4052a4390dd86d4f4e5d23c248255927 av_three_fifth  avia-builder-el-25  el_after_av_one_fifth  el_before_av_one_fifth  flex_column_div'     ><p>\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-1f8bnj-93713942807d86af560fe75580253149\">\n.avia-image-container.av-1f8bnj-93713942807d86af560fe75580253149 img.avia_image{\nbox-shadow:none;\n}\n.avia-image-container.av-1f8bnj-93713942807d86af560fe75580253149 .av-image-caption-overlay-center{\ncolor:#ffffff;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='avia-image-container av-1f8bnj-93713942807d86af560fe75580253149 av-styling- avia-align-center  avia-builder-el-26  el_before_av_heading  avia-builder-el-first'   itemprop=\"image\" itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/ImageObject\" ><div class=\"avia-image-container-inner\"><div class=\"avia-image-overlay-wrap\"><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" class='wp-image-6878 avia-img-lazy-loading-not-6878 avia_image' src=\"https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Shirley-met-lavendel.png\" alt='Shirley met lavendel' title='Shirley met lavendel' height=\"180\" width=\"180\"  itemprop=\"thumbnailUrl\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Shirley-met-lavendel.png 180w, https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Shirley-met-lavendel-80x80.png 80w, https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Shirley-met-lavendel-12x12.png 12w, https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Shirley-met-lavendel-36x36.png 36w, https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Shirley-met-lavendel-120x120.png 120w, https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Shirley-met-lavendel-100x100.png 100w\"  sizes=\"(max-width: 180px) 100vw, 180px\" \/><\/div><\/div><\/div><br \/>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-170xe7-0a7b8ab536800e6ab2bc81fbe99ee573\">\n#top .av-special-heading.av-170xe7-0a7b8ab536800e6ab2bc81fbe99ee573{\npadding-bottom:10px;\ncolor:#ffffff;\n}\nbody .av-special-heading.av-170xe7-0a7b8ab536800e6ab2bc81fbe99ee573 .av-special-heading-tag .heading-char{\nfont-size:25px;\n}\n.av-special-heading.av-170xe7-0a7b8ab536800e6ab2bc81fbe99ee573 .special-heading-inner-border{\nborder-color:#ffffff;\n}\n.av-special-heading.av-170xe7-0a7b8ab536800e6ab2bc81fbe99ee573 .av-subheading{\nfont-size:15px;\n}\nbody .av-special-heading.av-170xe7-0a7b8ab536800e6ab2bc81fbe99ee573 .av-special-heading-tag .heading-wrap:before{\nborder-color:#ffffff;\n}\nbody .av-special-heading.av-170xe7-0a7b8ab536800e6ab2bc81fbe99ee573 .av-special-heading-tag .heading-wrap:after{\nborder-color:#ffffff;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='av-special-heading av-170xe7-0a7b8ab536800e6ab2bc81fbe99ee573 av-special-heading-h3 custom-color-heading blockquote classic-quote  avia-builder-el-27  el_after_av_image  el_before_av_textblock'><h3 class='av-special-heading-tag'  itemprop=\"headline\"  >Hi, it's me, Shirley!<\/h3><div class=\"special-heading-border\"><div class=\"special-heading-inner-border\"><\/div><\/div><\/div><br \/>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-12m8fj-e84f857fb5df8509894c94661c5cb0f4\">\n#top .av_textblock_section.av-12m8fj-e84f857fb5df8509894c94661c5cb0f4 .avia_textblock{\ncolor:#ffffff;\ntext-align:center;\n}\n\n@media only screen and (min-width: 990px){ \n#top .av_textblock_section.av-12m8fj-e84f857fb5df8509894c94661c5cb0f4 .avia_textblock{\nfont-size:16px;\n}\n}\n<\/style>\n<section  class='av_textblock_section av-12m8fj-e84f857fb5df8509894c94661c5cb0f4'   itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/BlogPosting\" itemprop=\"blogPost\" ><div class='avia_textblock av_inherit_color'  itemprop=\"text\" ><p>A few years ago I <strong>decided to stop making my life any harder than it already was<\/strong>. And since then my life has been perfect.<\/p>\n<p>Okay, that's a lie.<\/p>\n<p>But thanks to my self-compassion practice I now know how I can, time and time again, <strong>find my way back to my favorite self.<\/strong> And that's what <strong>makes my life so much more easeful &amp; joyful<\/strong> these days.<\/p>\n<p>With my blog posts I hope to do the same for you. <strong>Welcome!<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/div><\/section><br \/>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-3ilov-d5c84578768c4f97d4a1fba0ccadad1f\">\n#top .hr.hr-invisible.av-3ilov-d5c84578768c4f97d4a1fba0ccadad1f{\nheight:15px;\n}\n<\/style>\n<div  class='hr av-3ilov-d5c84578768c4f97d4a1fba0ccadad1f hr-invisible  avia-builder-el-29  el_after_av_textblock  el_before_av_button'><span class='hr-inner'><span class=\"hr-inner-style\"><\/span><\/span><\/div><br \/>\n<div  class='avia-button-wrap av-qf4k7-e513befa6d5f63f9ba85e2179668d81f-wrap avia-button-center  avia-builder-el-30  el_after_av_hr  avia-builder-el-last'>\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-qf4k7-e513befa6d5f63f9ba85e2179668d81f\">\n#top #wrap_all .avia-button.av-qf4k7-e513befa6d5f63f9ba85e2179668d81f{\nfont-size:15px;\ntransition:all 0.4s ease-in-out;\n}\n<\/style>\n<a href='https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/en\/about\/'  class='avia-button av-qf4k7-e513befa6d5f63f9ba85e2179668d81f av-link-btn avia-icon_select-no avia-size-medium avia-position-center avia-color-theme-color'  target=\"_blank\"  rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"  aria-label=\"More about me\"><span class='avia_iconbox_title' >More about me<\/span><\/a><\/div><\/p><\/div><div  class='flex_column av-kdynr-63b0ed4a81a4c5e1513cab6c385d39c4 av_one_fifth  avia-builder-el-31  el_after_av_three_fifth  el_before_av_hr  flex_column_div'     ><\/div>\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-e941j-f2ad1c413aadb374edc12a8761d4021d\">\n#top 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id=\"style-css-av-2z3q5b-2d5027a27cb0411ba5e3947372b8a1dd\">\n.avia-section.av-2z3q5b-2d5027a27cb0411ba5e3947372b8a1dd{\nmargin-top:0px;\nmargin-bottom:0px;\n}\n\n@media only screen and (max-width: 479px){ \n.avia-section.av-2z3q5b-2d5027a27cb0411ba5e3947372b8a1dd{\nmargin-top:10px;\n}\n}\n<\/style>\n<div id='av_section_3'  class='avia-section av-2z3q5b-2d5027a27cb0411ba5e3947372b8a1dd main_color avia-section-default avia-no-border-styling  avia-builder-el-34  el_after_av_section  el_before_av_section  av-desktop-hide av-medium-hide av-small-hide av-mini-hide avia-bg-style-scroll container_wrap fullsize'  ><div class='container av-section-cont-open' ><div class='template-page content  av-content-full alpha units'><div class='post-entry post-entry-type-page post-entry-767'><div class='entry-content-wrapper clearfix'>\n\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-2t1man-dd30702f59daf82720d13bfa544515dc\">\n#top 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target=\"_blank\"  rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"  aria-label=\"TOOLKITS\"><span class='avia_iconbox_title' >TOOLKITS<\/span><\/a><\/div><\/div><div class='av-flex-placeholder'><\/div>\n<style type=\"text\/css\" data-created_by=\"avia_inline_auto\" id=\"style-css-av-1uowov-8ae6d467462042207a6a85c1c0390425\">\n@keyframes av_boxShadowEffect_av-1uowov-8ae6d467462042207a6a85c1c0390425-row {\n0%   { box-shadow:  0 0 0 0 ; opacity: 1; }\n100% { box-shadow:  0 0 10px 0 ; opacity: 1; }\n}\n@keyframes av_boxShadowEffect_av-1uowov-8ae6d467462042207a6a85c1c0390425-column {\n0%   { box-shadow:  0 0 0 0 ; opacity: 1; }\n100% { box-shadow:  0 0 10px 0 ; opacity: 1; }\n}\n.flex_column.av-1uowov-8ae6d467462042207a6a85c1c0390425{\nbackground:url(https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/Tarot-for-self-compassion-meditations.jpg) 50% 50% no-repeat scroll ;\n}\n\n@media only screen and (min-width: 990px){ 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.avia-button.av-1ob0gf-b4359b1f9eb7f411d181e05188af6b9d{\nfont-size:18px;\ntransition:all 0.4s ease-in-out;\n}\n\n@media only screen and (min-width: 990px){ \n#top #wrap_all .avia-button.av-1ob0gf-b4359b1f9eb7f411d181e05188af6b9d{\nmargin:175px 0 175px 0;\n}\n}\n\n@media only screen and (min-width: 768px) and (max-width: 989px){ \n#top #wrap_all .avia-button.av-1ob0gf-b4359b1f9eb7f411d181e05188af6b9d{\nmargin:135px 0 135px 0;\n}\n}\n\n@media only screen and (min-width: 480px) and (max-width: 767px){ \n#top #wrap_all .avia-button.av-1ob0gf-b4359b1f9eb7f411d181e05188af6b9d{\nmargin:135px 0 150px 0;\n}\n}\n\n@media only screen and (max-width: 479px){ \n#top #wrap_all .avia-button.av-1ob0gf-b4359b1f9eb7f411d181e05188af6b9d{\nmargin:125px 0 125px 0;\n}\n}\n<\/style>\n<a href='https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/en\/?page_id=8755'  class='avia-button av-1ob0gf-b4359b1f9eb7f411d181e05188af6b9d av-link-btn avia-icon_select-no avia-size-large avia-position-center avia-color-light'  target=\"_blank\"  rel=\"noopener noreferrer\"  aria-label=\"FREE RESOURCES\"><span class='avia_iconbox_title' >FREE RESOURCES<\/span><\/a><\/div><\/div><\/div><!--close column table wrapper. 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itemscope=\"itemscope\" itemtype=\"https:\/\/schema.org\/BlogPosting\" itemprop=\"blogPost\" ><div class='av-inner-masonry-sizer'><\/div><figure class='av-inner-masonry main_color'><div class=\"av-masonry-outerimage-container\"><div class='av-masonry-image-container'  ><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"640\" height=\"427\" class=\"wp-image-7865 avia-img-lazy-loading-not-7865\" src=\"https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/Tips-voor-het-omgaan-met-spijt.jpg\" title=\"Tips for dealing with regret\"  alt=\"Tips voor het omgaan met spijt\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/Tips-voor-het-omgaan-met-spijt.jpg 640w, https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/Tips-voor-het-omgaan-met-spijt-300x200.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.moreselfcompassion.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/10\/Tips-voor-het-omgaan-met-spijt-18x12.jpg 18w, 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Nope. Loving another person is actually a fast track to self-love.<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":7227,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[254],"tags":[258],"class_list":["post-767","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-how-to","tag-love-relationships"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.1.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Moet je echt eerst van jezelf houden voor je van een ander kunt houden? - moreselfcompassion.com<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Moet je eerst van jezelf houden voor je van een ander kunt houden? Nope. 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